love is a choice

July 19, 2017

I was always that girl who had a boyfriend. Seriously, I don’t think I’ve been single since I was in 8th grade for any significant amount of time. It might be because I’m a hopeless romantic, or because I just love the idea of having someone to share life with. I’ve always been someone who gets the most fulfillment out of close intimate relationships.


I started dating a boy when I was 16, and that boy changed everything. He wasn’t just another one of my boyfriends. I knew from the start this was different, and it was. As I’m writing this I’m also scrolling through pinterest looking at wedding dresses. :) eep!




Not to brag, but I think our relationship is the best. I know everyone thinks that, but I really do. I don’t think it’s because our personalities mesh perfectly together or because we are constantly doting over each other. Neither of those things are true, because those things don’t last. 


You yourself will never ever have the ability to love someone forever. That is a fact. If it all depended upon you, you’d eventually get complacent. You’d get annoyed. You’d stop                           writing notes and cooking surprise dinners. Why? Because you don’t feel like it anymore. Because you don’t have time. Because you’re tired. I think thats why so many marriages fail, because they just don't feel it anymore.


But love isn’t a feeling, it’s a choice. And it’s a choice that you can try to make every day on your own, but still you won’t be able to. If you don’t have the very Being that is Love alongside you, you’ll never be able to love someone forever. Because humans are imperfect, and they. just. can’t.




If you want to have a thriving relationship, first look to the One who created man and woman for one another. When you look at Jesus, you see that His heart was to serve others. He wasn’t being forced, He wasn’t doing it for brownie points, He was doing it because His very existence was love. And it still is. When you look to Him and ask Him to come alongside you in your relationship, your heart for others will change, and your heart for your boyfriend/girlfriend will change. When you know real love, you are able to give real love. 


Seeking the Lord in a relationship isn’t a matter of “okay God, I want my boyfriend to be nice to me so I’m going to pray for it.” Seeking the Lord means learning who Jesus is and how He loves you, and how He loves your partner. I promise you when you have an encounter with the Creators heart, it will change your heart. When He comes alongside you in your relationship, you’ll see so much change. When you both are seeking to serve rather than be served, things do a 360. The world tells us, “find something that makes you feel good.” And although that has some truth to it, if we first seek to do good, our relationships will be so blessed. 




My relationship hasn’t always been this way, and it’s not always this way. My fiance and I are always seeking more of the Lord in our relationship, but sometimes because of humans selfish nature we slip up. When I am far from God, I argue over stupid things. When I am far from God, I get jealous. When I am far from God, I’m insecure. But when I’m close to Him, I am more able to give grace, I am confident in my identity, and I’m trusting. And there is so much fruit in those qualities! Isn’t that the type of wife every man deserves? A confident, trusting woman who is eager to serve him and pour encouragement on him? That’s the type of wife I want to be, but I could never do that without God with me. 


When the two of you- like Jesus- regularly choose the other rather than to do “what feels good,” the Lord is pleased. He will bless your relationship and bring you closer to one another. After all, marriage is the one earthly model of how Christ loves His church. (which is a LOT) And God LOVES marriage! He created it for us to enjoy to the fullest, not for it to be a struggle. So if you're looking for something that will last, something that doesn’t end on the “walk of shame,” something that will make you better, first look to Jesus- that can never go wrong. 



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